February 26, 2009

Sleep, and the Lack Thereof.

Posted in Lunacy at 12:18 pm by the Green-Eyed Siren

Well. Mr. Unfocused has been away for the last couple of days, and I’ve been overloaded with the volunteer projects that are still in process, and in general I just have been having some trouble coping with life over here*—all of which means I haven’t been getting anywhere close to enough sleep. The cumulative effect of so many way-less-than-six-hour nights reached a disastrous point last night, with the result that I spent an hour and a half folding a single load of napkins while attempting to catch up on commenting on everyone’s blogs. That meant that I wasn’t prepping lunches or backpacks or the next day’s clothes until after 11 pm, at which point I was so out of it that I couldn’t think straight about what had to be done—which, in turn, slowed me down even further. (“What’s next? Ummm…..oh, right, wash the apples. Great. I’m on it. Yeah. Where’s that fruit bowl again?”)

When I finally made my way upstairs at about midnight, I brought my laptop with me as I usually do, which is absolutely the stupidest habit I ever acquired. I washed up, got into bed, and opened the computer again; at this point it was probably 12:25. As I attempted to wind down my brain and finally turn off the light, I thought: I must blog about this problem. But I didn’t want to forget anything, so I typed some notes into WordPress. I fully intended to write them up as something intelligent and observant later, but I’ve changed my mind. Here they are, essentially unedited, to give you a window into the crazy place inside my head:

Sleep problem. Dazed. Moving through molasses. Can’t remember what I need to do to get ready for next morning, but if I just go to sleep won’t have enough time to get it done and get us out the door. Hazy. Head aches. Still clicking. Misplaced priorities. Why am I still reading blog posts and trying to come up with comments when it’s 12:30 and I haven’t commented for a week? What makes this moment the cutoff for internet assholeness? This is not a real deadline, but in sleep deprived stupor it feels like one.

Definitely misplaced priorities, important theme here.

Mr. Unfocused traveling. If he’s not here then no one will tell me it’s time to go to bed. Always a problem. Apartment senior year (college). Work never ended, always behind, stress was bad, Mac SE in bedroom, Tetris. 2:30 or 3. Dopamine. He doesn’t sleep well either, when he’s away.

I hate this. Feel like shit. Want to exercise but am too exhausted to get over inertia. Also feel like I should be rested before asking body to do anything, or else I know I will get sick, because I always do. Also: impact on weight problems.

Won’t nap because I feel guilty. Or might trigger actual insomnia, which is even worse (have had it). Clock on dad’s nightstand (before my eyes went so wrong).

12:42 closing computer.

*Last evening’s agenda included celebrating Mercredi Gras, Unfocused Girl’s answer to her personal lack of preparation for the previously unheard of celebration of Mardi Gras, allowing her time to complete the critical task of maskmaking. Our celebration, dictated by Unfocused Girl, took the form of crèpes for dinner accompanied by the sounds of a French Café CD I picked up at Starbucks recently. Did I mention I had the worst headache of my life (that is, the worst headache unrelated to alcoholic beverages) last night?



  1. I applaud you sharing this. Now I don’t feel so whacked when my mind takes a left turn and I don’t seem to notice it for a few hours. Putting my reading glasses in the sink and then forgetting where I left them is usually the first clue that my day is over and call it good.

    But, uh, no.

    Wish I had some helpful hints, however still fighting the good fight myself and haven’t quite got it all figured out.

  2. Jeanne said,

    I’ll send some of my excessive sleep particles your way. I can’t believe all you do. Just making crepes for the kids might have exhausted me, let alone all the rest of it.

  3. Mike said,

    It’s funny how messed up your mind gets with lack of sleep. When I work the midnight shift I am absolutely useless.

    I noticed Tetris. Did you play that a lot in college? Did you get to the point where you would see the little blocks when you closed your eyes? No? I may have played a little too much back then.

  4. J.C.: thanks for the support of a comrade-in-arms.

    Jeanne: I truly don’t do all that much…the problem is my sleep schedule is so far off that I’m tired most of the time and, thus, take far too long to do anything, making it seem like I’m doing more than I am. And the crepes were painful only for the noise level, really. My daughter was so appreciative and so enjoyed them that it made it worthwhile.

    Mike: Did I play a lot of Tetris in college? Oh, yes, my friend. Those little dancing blocks before my closed eyes? Oh, my yes. In my senior year of college I even dreamed in Tetris. We are clearly kindred spirits.

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